Peace while in the fast lane...

It's been a while since I've written, which is a bummer, considering I have had all summer and yes, I've been really busy working and stuff, but when I've had free time I've made up excuses for why I can't write. Like Facebook. And YouTube. And staring into space thinking about nothing. Or everything.

Phew. Glad that's off my chest.

Which brings me to what I wanted to write about, which was lack of focus in my life.

You see, one of my strengths is ideation. There is a constant whirlwind of ideas in my brain. It's awesome. Kind of like the Matrix (which I've never seen. But it sure seems like a cool comparison). Unfortunately, I've yet to learn how to attack one idea at a time. This means that I get overwhelmed really easily.

So I was all set to write this terrific blog.

But my friend who also has trouble focusing focused before I could focus and she wrote a blog about focusing before I could focus on writing my blog on focusing.

And she basically said what I wanted to say, except way more concisely and eloquently than I ever could have. Read her blog here.

Fortunately, I have lots of problems and quirks and stupid things I do that I can write about.

Which brings me to my latest dilemma...

What I could really use is some peace.

Not world peace.

Or peace, love and happiness.

Don't get me wrong, I think those kinds of peace would be great. But I'm looking for a peace for when things are crazy in my head and in my heart. A peace that sticks around even when I'm working three jobs and my bank account is still frighteningly low. The kind of peace that "surpasses all understanding."

I'm reminded of the Biblical story of Elijah. He went on a mountain to hear from God.

There was a big and powerful wind.

But God wasn't in the wind.

Then there was an earthquake.

But God wasn't in the earthquake.

Then there was a fire.

But God wasn't in the fire.

And then there came a gentle whisper. And God spoke.

I think that Elijah must have been taken aback by this. The God who could have spoken to him through nature's extremes chose instead to communicate with extreme subtlety.

I wonder if sometimes we don't get what we're looking for, because we're desperately searching in all the wrong places. We try to find peace in our work, in our relationships, even in nature, but somehow, nothing really sticks.

I eagerly sought work this summer in hopes of achieving financial security. I'm working, but not as much as I wanted. Work hasn't necessarily brought lots of stress, but it certainly hasn't been a catalyst for peace.

I think that it is in silence that peace is able to come. Not literal silence, per se, although I think that can help (especially for someone like me, who is ridiculously easily distracted).

What I'm talking about is an internal silence. A quieting of the soul, if you will.

Today, I sat down on my bed for 30 minutes (or what felt like it, anyway... it could have been five, since I have the attention span of a preschooler), and I was quiet. I did the best I could to ignore my schedule and to do list for the day. After lying down briefly, I sat up in order to not fall asleep. I sat there and I was quiet and I tried to listen (weird, I know). The results of my experiment with silence weren't anything breathtaking. But afterward I felt strangely at peace.

I am beginning to find that when I take the time to be in silence (for me, that means both externally and internally), things begin to make more sense.

It's in these moments, that I am finally able to focus on what really matters. My huge to do list become less important. Life gains value. People become paramount. And sometimes, in the silence, I believe that God speaks.

So in all seriousness....

Peace.

-Lauren